My Confession

This is funny

This is funny

Confession: I haven’t regularly attended church in a year.

It’s Sunday. Where do you think I am? You’re right…not at church. If you are real observant, you will notice this blog started during that time period. I feel like I need to “come out” and say this because we’ve grown in our “dating” relationship with each other. In this hyper-maniac world, I move at a slower pace (proudly) and now I am sharing this with you since I feel it is time.

You may suspect my reasons for not attending church are superficial or I-can-know-God-without-a-pastor type reasons but very far from the truth. See, my reason for not attending is because my experiences at various churches have not been welcoming or great. Someone in leadership has done something or said something completely alienating or down right amoral which turns me off. Being that I attended seminary, I was part of that leadership so I am very privy to what happens behind closed doors and it blew my mind. I lost respect and trust for so many that I start off not trusting church leaders. I hear all of you wonderful church goers saying “That was them” or “All have fallen short…” and I’m laughing right now. Accountability and trustworthiness are core parts of any religion…so forget that noise. I chose to take a break. I trust my intuition and I have very strong spiritual guides angels that help me and this is where I have been led.

Do I miss it? Eh, I miss liking where I attend church. I miss being able to feel comfortable at my church; I’ve only attended one church in my life where that was the case and unfortunately I moved due to work. For me, picking a church is like discovering your soulmate. For the record, I believe in soulmate(s) and you know when you have found these persons. The analogy of soulmate works great with a church home because it is the place where you are most vulnerable, just like your soulmate, and feeling safe and secure is a must.

When you first meet, it is kind of like a tingle down your neck…spidey sense if you will. You’re not sure what that feeling is just yet, but you roll with it enough to investigate if there is anything there. As you continue, there is a moment when you recognize in that person church something that resonates deep within you and you begin to wonder if this person church is feeling the same. So you talk more, test out the waters to see if you can truly exist as your whole person in this space. I mean your spidey sense could be wrong even though that is unlikely. Then there is the culminating moment(s) that solidify for you, this is the person church you were meant to be with. I can’t tell you when that moment will happen or how it will happen but you will know because it is the universe’s way of communicating specifically to you.

That is how I discover my church home. I haven’t had that feeling. Of course, I haven’t missed key holidays, but no regular attendance. There has been no tingle down my neck, but I remain hopeful that I will find it. I am hopeful because in every other aspect of my life, work and personal, I have found it I think. Honestly, that is quite rare, but my trust for my spidey sense has led me to these places. It has not been easy and there have been rare troubled spots, but when you know…you know. So it is out there, somewhere, waiting for me to join its party. I just hope it is not far from where I live :).

P.S. I’ve had some interesting religious experiences in this past year that I will share once we’ve left this dating phase lol.

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One thought on “My Confession

  1. I haven’t had this experience in a while either. I’ve been meaning to check out some churches, but lately have just been going with my boyfriend to his Catholic mass. I really like the priest there and his sermons, but can’t really see myself becoming Catholic. But I would like to find a group of believers that resonate with what I believe too.

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